On Change…

There’s an odd feeling that arises when one thinks that in a few days we will usher in a New Year. The obvious explanation is that well, this year has been difficult for a lot of reasons and that a lot of those reasons will still exist in 2021. However, regardless of what the situation will be, this New Year, in particular, is making me think more deeply about the complex ways we perceive ideas of Change, Choice, and Self.

What is that odd feeling?

Many look at the New Year as an opportunity for Change, to rid ourselves of old habits and begin new ones that are in greater alignment with who we aspire to be.

My ideas of Change are dependent on both a material and immaterial freedom, both are the instruments I use to define myself. My immaterial freedom is what allows me to think deeply and consult various ideas that may be important to me as I think about ways I’d like to make a Change in my life. My physical freedom is how I recognize that Change — how I experience it in the world. Physical freedom is reliant on my ability to move, as a body, in my external environment. To be in a space and move in that space.

Bringing about Change seems to be dependent on our ability to think freely and then to act on those thoughts in a material world, no surprises here. However, when our ability to act and move in a physical world is restricted, it forces me to reconsider how I perceive and recognize notions of Change and Self.

Our idea of Change must evolve… but how and why?

Change as a concept is dynamic and complex. People can recognize Change in a million different ways. They can Change for better or for worse and they can Change beyond ideas of ‘better’ and ‘worse’. The way I embody or experience Change is fluid. For the moment I become one way I simultaneously reject an infinite number of other ways I could have been.

Our Choice is the tool we use to bring about Change in our life. We may now feel as though our ability to make Choices has been obstructed because of the physical limitations being imposed on us and therefore, we now think this affects our ability to make Change.

Change is one of the most central concepts to our existence. Our universe is in a constant state of flux and we as humans are always pursuing Change. We only know a world with it. When we feel as though our ability to experience it is being compromised, we may feel frustrated.

In our current framework, we can use Change as an ideal to take us away from ourselves. We can pursue this ideal to the point where we forget who we are because we are so wrapped up in ‘Changing’. Change in this context is a means which we use to distract ourselves from ourselves.

Our idea of Change should also be subject to the notions which define it — that it’s constantly evolving. We may not want to embrace this but it may be fundamental to our growth.

All these ideas are grounded in the old ways we perceive Change.

___________

It is a funny idea to consider that while we are more restricted on a temporal level, abstractly, we have never had the opportunity to be more intentional and ‘free’ in our decisions. Every Choice I make has to serve me in some respect, the only entity I consult is myself. I am forced to engage with myself in ways I wasn’t previously aware were accessible to me. My Choices are more authentic and reflective of ‘me’ now, than they ever were.

Previously my Choices could be perceived as reflections of the social environment or structure I found myself in. My Choices were made in an effort to appease demands that didn’t necessarily align with my truest Self but a Self that was manufactured from operating in these environments. I wasn’t aware of the ways I was changing and how eventually, my Choices manufactured a ‘false self’.

I may not want to get a drink after work but since everyone is doing it, my boss will be there, and I want to get promoted, I should probably also attend. We make Choices like this all the time and after a while, they become who we are.

Effort is the most fundamental aspect to this idea of authenticity. Without the application of effort, I engage with what is convenient and I am therefore lazy with my Choices. Routine and habit solidify and structure my disposition towards convenience and make it seem normal. We negate the effort required for authenticity and before we know it, we’ve lost ourselves.

This was a life I believe we were all used to living.

I have never had the ability to curate the type of experiences I have in my current reality. I am now unable to evade the effort required for making Choices in my life. Every hobby or endeavor I pursue is such a reflection of my Self that at times it’s like I’m meeting an old friend for the first time!

For some this level of choice can be debilitating, for others, liberating and for a majority, confusing.

This is the oddity but the Truth.

‘….I have never been more in my own world. When all the walls I used to lean on are stripped down, I am left standing in the empty room of my own self…’

‘…Is my freedom my instrument or am I now forced to recognize my freedom as an end in itself..?

‘…Life has become more difficult and in response we have become more Authentic…’

‘…You have never been more apparent to yourself — for some this is an unsettling confrontation..!’

The idea of the New Year is insignificant. It is only what the New Year represents in the context of Change and meaning, that makes it matter.

I believe this odd experience we feel when thinking about the New Year is a result of two different realizations. Both deal with this idea of Change and Self.

In one realm, we are so fixated on our definition of Change as relying on externalities that when our ability to move is restricted, we feel as though no self-improvement is possible.

In this case, we have misunderstood the meaning of the word Change. We view it as something fixed in space rather than a concept that is fluid and dynamic, open for interpretation.

Secondly, we are being forced to become our Self and this experience is unnerving — the New Year will require a further descendant into your Self, whether you like it or not.

A lot of effort goes into distracting yourself from yourself in hopes of avoiding what may arise from that confrontation. As we gradually pull away from social structures that have posed as major contributors to this distraction and this creation of the ‘false self’ (a Self that makes choices in accordance with social structures etc… not authentically you), we feel a sense of contempt for the future because we may not be ready to become our Self yet. It’s almost as if a strict parent was snatching away a much-coveted toy of ours without our consent.

You are now being forced to find out who you were before you lost yourself along the way!

Your task is now to reimagine what you, the individual, means when you say you’d like to Change ‘in such and such a way’ and also realize that your potential should not be hindered as a result of the changing landscape. The way we go about bringing Change into our lives is different and so it must be what we are asking of ourselves.

Next year may be the year you finally become yourself by being more intentional with your Choices, how you Change, and use your freedom.