On Meaning…

Four friends laid out on a rock near the lake one evening basking in the starlight. It was a still and frigid night, where trees rustling in the wind is all one hears.

In this silence, the heart thus spoke and what arose, unprompted, as if out of the thinness of the air, was an impassioned discussion amongst the friends on the meaning of life.

—

The first boy, with an air of courageousness that is required to speak first on such matters, began…

‘I believe as though that everything that has ever happened to me was for some greater cosmic purpose…’

‘…I look back on my life and I see how every failure or setback I’ve experienced has somehow been part of a larger plan that the universe has had for me. I mean that at the time, the setback is always a bit disheartening but in the back of my mind, I sort of know it was supposed to be this way. I think this because what often resulted from these setbacks or failures was actually better than what I had initially wanted and so I can’t help but think there’s some sort of divine intervention that’s taking place. Like when I didn’t get my dream job after graduation, you remember how PO’d I was? I didn’t speak to any of you for weeks but when I look back on it, it actually opened the door for my current job which I believe is actually way better. That’s kinda what I mean by ‘purpose’ like, everything in my life that has happened was meant to be that way…”

The boy continued, clearly illuminated by his reflections. A slight shimmer from the water had found itself resting on the boy's cheek making him appear as if he was glowing.

‘…I believe in a God or… a Creator, I suppose. I think religion has really been fudged up by too many people for me to really say the ‘G-O-D’ word and mean it. What’s more appropriate is someone or thing that is there, or everywhere, that is looking out for all of humanity and me specifically. I trust this energy and it gives me comfort and security in knowing that there is something looking out for us, who has our best intentions in mind...’

‘…I think that everyone has a path that they’re following whether they know it or not. And while on that path, it is our duty to try and raise or elevate the collective consciousness of the human spirit by practicing good deeds and being kind to one another. In a sense, it makes me happy to help people and I guess it furthers and widens my path…’

With that, the boy ended his elucidation on life and was quite content with the way he had articulated himself as exhibited by the slight smirk on his face.

The last little bit of light had seemed to stick around for this boy, however, it was getting darker and now suddenly it looked as though this ‘last little bit of light’ had disappeared behind the horizon.

The next boy began…

‘I can appreciate what you’re saying man but I have to say that I disagree with most of it. And that doesn’t mean I don’t like you or who you are, it’s just that I hold different views and that’s OK. For me, I don’t know where I get it but I think the world is pretty Empty to be honest, with a capital fucking ‘E’. I wish I could make this sound a lot more appealing, let me try...’

‘…I don’t see some sort of grand cosmic idea at play here and if there is one, I’m just not part of it. My whole life I’ve really struggled to believe that my life has any inherent value or meaning tied up in it. I mean that life was like, special, in the way you’re describing it. I think my path was filled with monsters and things that scared me so I got off as soon as I could…’

‘…I think about the people I’m friends with and I mean outside of you guys, meeting new people is an incredibly difficult personal experience for me. I find as I go through life, people are more jaded and closed off, it’s like life is just happening ‘to them’ as opposed to ‘with them’. Everyone has these elaborate stories that shape who they are and as I get older, these stories just become way more complex and way harder to identify with. It was way easier in College to get to know someone, remember what it was like? You kinda knew who they were based on who they hung out with or what classes they were in etc… I find myself just more aloof now because it’s exhausting trying to work through people's narratives in order to get to know them, authentically, and so I give up…’

‘… And its all got this tinge of sadness to it because I so badly want to connect with other people but then I wonder if it’s me who’s actually the one who lacks the emotional intelligence needed to build relationships, and so I try harder to be more ‘open’ and ‘listen’ to people, the shit my therapist tells me to do, but it depresses me further because most of what people are concerned about bores me incredibly...’

At this point, it was pitch black. The boys couldn’t seem to make out where they were on where their campsite was in relation to their position on the rock. A feeling of anxiousness engulfed the rock and everything seemed to be quite dizzying and disorientated.

‘… I often think about these people who are all happy and lovely and that sort of stuff and I think that maybe they were just born with more of those chemicals in their brain. I think the fullness of your life just equates to how many brain ‘fullness chemicals’ you have going on up there, that’s all I really see it as. And so Love, Happiness all that mushy stuff that we romanticize and hold so dearly, that your Aunt is always bugging you about, is just a chemical process and not some perfect ideal worth striving for. I know I’m probably killing the vibe here but it’s what I’ve been thinking about lately…’

‘…Anyway, there are times when I truly want to ‘love my neighbor’. Sort of like what you’re saying about good deeds and widening the path and all that cutesy shit. Like, I really try and see the good in others. However, when I think about the man that lives next to me, I can’t help but despise him. You see I go back and forth between these lofty ideals I’m supposed to believe in and then what they represent in actuality, you know, like, what is it really like to love my fellow man? Anyway, I’d really love to believe in a grand purpose to all this because I think it’d make my life more full but in the end, I’m just here for the ride I guess... ‘

The boys were perturbed by their friend's ideas as exhibited by their altered expressions, each looking slightly away and out into the dark water, wondering what had been festering in this young man's heart for him to release such a rapturous exposition.

Our third friend, wisest of the few, unshaken by his friend's position, took a long puff of the joint, inhaled deeply into the pit of his lungs, exhaled, and began.

‘I don’t follow or adhere to one specific framework for interpreting life. Instead, I choose to incorporate multiple frameworks that I believe best help me in dealing with the matters I am faced with. I choose to see challenges, hardships, and struggles or any of that stuff as experiences that I can learn and grow from as opposed to letting these ideas depress me. I see it this way not because I’m some unwavering Stoic dude but simply because it’s just better to look at challenges this way, Stoic or not…’

‘…And so I think why would I ever limit myself to one specific framework for interpreting life? I will never know the ultimate meaning of the universe and neither will any of you. I think that every attempt at Truth is just a matter of interpretation and in believing that, it makes it kind of silly to limit yourself to one view. The way I see it, people get fucking off on their ideologies and all that nonsense, the world is ‘this way’ and ‘that way’ because I’m a Republican and I believe ‘this’ or I’m a Democrat so I believe ‘that’, and whatever other dogma you want to fucking insert in there. It takes more effort nowadays to be an individual than ascribe to an ideology, that’s what I think. Ideology is a cop-out for a free man…’

The boy continued, eloquently, as though verbally transcribing a stream of consciousness, as if the words were dancing rhythmically to the sounds of the waves.

‘…I don’t know if there is Soul or Spirit and I don’t know if there is anything to my life beyond this material composition I embody. I can’t be sure of these things. In a sense, I choose to keep a certain distance, or Freedom, between myself and these ideals…’

‘... We are mere specks of dust on a speck of dust, floating aimlessly in the endlessly expansive cosmos. The perceived importance of life as having some inherent and predetermined meaning, to me, just seems off, I mean, like science literally proved we’re not at the center of the world like we thought…’

Our friend paused. Re-contorting his body to a level of the desired comfort. He took a hit of the joint and remained silent. The other boys were attentive to this friend, hanging on every bit. The stars continued to shine ever so brilliantly as if the Heavens had poked holes in the night sky to listen in on what this boy had to say. And he continued…

‘…Even if we are just a material body, composed of matter and chemicals, whatever the science is saying nowadays, I don’t believe that it makes life any less worthwhile or any less enchanting. You see, I take the finitude of our lives to be incredibly empowering. This life we live, the time we have on this earth becomes infinitely more precious to me. It is my duty to live it in its utmost fullness, it’s my duty to change it and leave my impression on it and on others before I depart. I realize that I am a blimp upon a blimp on the continuum of time but when I recognize my minuteness, I gain immense power...’

It was with the same sureness our friend began his philosophy, that he also ended with. Clear and content, the feeling one experiences after finishing a meal at dinner.

The other boys gradually began to find themselves and their position on the rock as if their eyes had suddenly adjusted to the darkness. What was invisible now became visible and it was comforting to see again.

Sitting up now, the fourth, and last boy began hastily in response.

‘I have to think that there is more to this world and this life than my materialist composition. I believe in my Soul and I believe in my Spirit and I believe that others have a Soul and a Spirit. I believe that I am more my Soul than I am my body and when my body goes, my Soul forever remains. I believe in a God that is an energy or vibration. I believe that there is God in us, that God is us and around us. I pick up this rock and I see God, I see this Tree and I see God, I look at you and I see God. I think of Love and I feel God. I see this life as a reflection of cosmic energy that flows through every single thing. I see that God is my Soul and my Spirit…’

The boy spoke fervently, you could tell this mattered dearly to his heart.

‘…I agree with what you’re saying about never being able to know certain things about the world. However, I think part of living in this world is having to take a bit of a ‘leap of faith’. And in this ‘leap’ I have to believe in this sort of cosmic mysticism that I think binds all of humanity. And what binds us is that energy that flows through every bit of existence on this planet...’

‘…I don’t think that Heaven or Hell are realms beyond our existence. In fact, I think the very opposite. Heaven and Hell are just internal states of being, very real parts of what it’s like to be a Human. We are continually going through Hell and Heaven at different parts of our life…’

‘…I used to try and rationalize every bit of my life. Like, what’s the benefit for me in getting involved with this friendship? I was selfish and egotistical, I suppose. I had to get Dusted a few times after College to realize that life can be pretty fucking shitty and unfair but I had to go through that in order to understand that Love always wins. Even in the depths of my despair, I find myself turning to Love. I can’t even properly articulate this idea because it’s so beyond the words I have at my disposal but whenever I’ve felt down and at a crossroads, I always end up choosing Love, like something was pushing me towards it except I can’t describe what that something is. I know it’s cliche but it just feels right. I don’t think you can rationalize much of what one goes through, many things are beyond rationality I suppose. I guess what I’m advocating for is choosing Love and throwing away the rest…’

_____

The boy laid down with the rest of his friends. The air was no longer tight and close, a breeze now made its way around the rock. He felt the rigid curvature against his back and he wondered why it had somehow been shaped as if to hold a human body.

He closed his eyes and listened to the world turn, the branches swayed and the water gently washed up against the side of the rock, soothing the boys to sleep.

Fin.